Today's Funny . . . courtesy of you know who

Nine-year-old's inquiry:  Does expired milk come from expired cows?

You really can't make this stuff up!!!

On the Lighter Side . . . Out of the Mouths of Babes . . .

Nine-year-old learned dad was in Texas for the week.  He asked whether his father was going to be in a rodeo.  When I stopped laughing, I said no, but that dad was attending a dog and pony show.  Boy was interested at first.  Then, I  explained corporate finance.

No Magic Blue Pill Here

This is the pillbox of my nine-year-old.  You read that correctly:  my nine-, not ninety-, year-old.   Prescriptions for seven days of the week with am and pm dosing. Specifically, he takes four pills in the morning (although, for full disclosure, three are the same medication since that is the only way to get 30mg) and two in the evening.  None are blue . . . not that that matters.   More importantly and unfortunately, they are not magic.

Faced with a cornucopia of acronym diagnoses from the DSM-IV, medication is the prescribed remedy.  We (or perhaps I should say he) have tried assorted meds from different pharmaceutical categories in varied doses, both short- and long-acting, in assorted combinations . . . without much success.  We just can’t shake the right cocktail.  As a result, my kitchen counter is a virtual pharmacopeia of current and rejected drugs.

I look at my stash and wonder how I got here.  Just ten years ago, I scoffed at the notion of drugging my kids.  My eldest tried sugar pills before Ritalin.  Yes, we did ultimately go pharmaceutical, but not without a fight.  Alas, there was no placebo effect from sugar.  As time and children progressed, my anti-med resolve weakened.  By the time we got to the third kid, I was asking for the narcotics. 

Now, I beg that they work.  With each new prescription, hope rises . . . and fades.   My counter gets more and more crowded.  

Counting Up the Hits

Seven years.  Five hits.  None platinum . . .  or even silver.  Mine were white, green and black.  The color of my cars.  My cars that were hit by other vehicles.

The recent fifth smash instigated this countdown.  I can't help but wonder whether my cars come loaded with bullseye targets.  Or invisibility powers.   I have never hit another car (knock on wood, pooh, pooh, pooh), though I have done damage to my own vehicles, most notably in my own driveway for a 5am hockey practice drive.  That's another story . . .

Of the five hits, my vehicle was moving only in one instance, and going very slowly at that, as the traffic light had just turned green.  I was in a right turn lane, when the car in the middle go-straight lane turned right into me.  Smashing.

For two of the accidents, I wasn't even there.  My green truck was sideswiped while (legally) parked on a big road by a hit-and-run out-of-state pickup truck.  A good samaritan trailed the hitter and got the license plate, but local police weren't interested.  The cost of my missing side-view mirror was just below my deductible.  My black SUV also was hit while parked, but at least in that case, the offender left me a note and ponied up for the damage.

The most damaging bash was to my white wagon.  Stopped at a red light behind several other stopped cars, 36 hours shy of being turned-in off lease, another car plowed into it.  Technically, my car was pushed into the one in front of me, but that driver took off.  The offender's car was totaled; mine suffered $15,000 worth of damage.  So much for the resale value of that car, but at least that was the dealer's problem, not mine.

And, most recently, while in park, in a parking lot, an SUV backed right into my black SUV.  It's a big vehicle and kind of hard to miss.  Still, it was kissed . . . and a light broken.

Five in seven seems like a big number.  According to car insurance industry estimates, it probably is:  A  2011 Fox Business News report says a driver will file a claim for collision damages about once every 17 years.  So in a lifetime of driving, you should expect three or four accidents.  http://www.foxbusiness.com/personal-finance/2011/06/17/heres-how-many-car-accidents-youll-have/  Of course, missing from the stats are the large number of incidents where settlement is done privately.  But still.  My number is high.  And no Grammy for all the hits.

Update 5/11/12:  Another car was hit again yesterday right by my home.  It was parked; I wasn't around.  A neighbor got the hitter's info - we'll see if she calls back.